i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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