she looked like the before picture.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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