My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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