I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
