Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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