She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK WHALES
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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