dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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