Just mADE A PArabola og urine
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
