you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
try to milk me bitch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
