I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
