I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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