Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
whose parrot is this?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
