He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
