Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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