Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
