her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize