The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
