Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
