So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
