just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
