did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
smell my finger.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
