Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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