Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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