In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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