He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
