There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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