Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
