I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
