smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
