So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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