I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
there is puke in my bra ... again
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