so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
