My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
