You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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