She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
