Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
