ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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