paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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