I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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