I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize