so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize