in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I did not marry a roomba.
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