ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
