I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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