where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
