Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
