I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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