Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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