I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
