I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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