my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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