Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
