the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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