i jhust puked up my retainher.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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