Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
