My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Even my vagina gasped.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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