it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Randomize
