"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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