I am in a vortex of obligation.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
