Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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