I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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