How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
