Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
