sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
