since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
