Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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