Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
