You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
