I just made out with a guy for $7.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
