what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
