Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
