i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
