I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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