Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
