Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
