I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
