i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
