I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my god I love twenty year old dicks
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
