Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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