I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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