It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
