the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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