I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
