you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
