I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
